September 8, 2011
Reluctance is Where I Begin
A heavy sigh just escaped me. For weeks I've been doing everything to avoid telling my true story of childhood sexual abuse. I don't consider myself a 'survivor' yet. No where near. I have kept my secret for 35 years inside of me hidden in a tiny part of my mind's closet. Although, I say 'tiny' where the hurt and pain has been enormous is in my heart. I've only recently read a couple of books in regards to this subject and am alarmed at how these events that went on for at least four years because I can't remember further back than six years old - how the abuse molded my personality traits. I am frightened as I type these words - the shame, guilt and the thought of exposing myself is overwhelming. Please be patient.