It's odd how with all the anger I hold for my mother, I am still thankful for the memories of all the cakes she put so much time into decorating for my birthday when I was little. I never was left with the feeling though that my mother put her heart and soul into decorating a cake for me, but it was an excuse for her to have something to do with her time and to show-off how well she could do cake decorating. Now that I think of it, I only remember when she made me a huge diamond cake for my eleventh birthday. It said 'you are a real gem' on it and had two large number ones for eleven. Around that same time, is when she caught my brother violating me in the bottom bunk bed in my room. I still remember exactly what she said to me--"take a shower", and that was all.
I was eleven when the sexual abuse stopped. My brother tried once more after our mother interrupted him, and I told him he couldn't do that to me anymore.
Not to spoil the great cakes I have poured my heart into for my child, but it's funny, well not funny, how there is a connection to the past.
The difference for me is I bake and decorate these special cakes not for my own pleasure, but for the pleasure I get from seeing the smile they put on my amazing son's face. He is always so surprised, and I do think he admires my creativity, and the fact that I pay attention to what he is in to any given year.
I love him dearly, and protect him every day with full awareness to all his surroundings and the people that may be in his surroundings. I will never be blind to any pain my child may endure. I will always be here to keep harm from him, to give him every means of emotional love and comfort.
|The Mask of Light - Lego|
|Fire breathing Dragon|
|MW3 Xbox Controller|
Happy Birthday Cake emotions!