No One Asks - - Part I

Here I lay another unproductive, useless day.  My pain is especially great today...but this post is not about that, so shall we dive right in to....my FEELINGS.  Ick, barf, blah.  I truly can say I'm coming to an escalation of being fed up with...feeling.  Always negative.  Dismal.  Shitty.  It's exhausting.

I can already hear you trying to comfort me...some rolling their eyes...such drama.  Please let me be...feel this way.  It's healthy.  I hate 'pleasantries'...they are just that 'to please' oneself most times.  We don't always need positive affirmations (as if they have some magical power), or hugs keyboard characters.  No, it's not wrong to respond to people who are hurting in this way, but the fact is these responses serve no useful purpose.  They are not advice or service driven.  The best sympathy, which people don't normally request; to be pitied or felt sorry for is not productive, so I suggest silence and empathy.  Empathy meaning you have in fact walked in those shoes...experienced matters that have brought on the same types of feelings and results is the only way you can truly empathize with another person.  There is a huge difference. 

Without the person explaining.

The best practice is to just listen, really actively listen.

I've been reading this

http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/10-self-help-lessons-writer-augusten-burroughs-160000837.htmle

I like his writing; it's in reality.  His sarcasm.  His dark humor.  I've read it and as I was I had so many of those "that is so true" moments.  No he is not a self-help expert...if he was a professional then his books would be written all 'warm and fuzzy' with do this do that to fix yourself bullshit.  What Mr. Burroughs is is a raw and honest real life writer.  In fact, he was sexual abused at the age of 13 for several years, so I'm not surprised by no means that I found a lot of familiarity of how I feel through his penmanship.

Going back to this the typical "Hi, Tyla.  How are you?"  Hi, John. I'm fine, thanks."  "Just fine? It's a great day!"  An expression of disapproval of my mood and suggest I wear a mask....that would be a fake smile, I guess.  No one really gives a dam about how someone else is feeling.

Society has a zero tolerance for negativity.  Stop people!  The greater good is you getting over YOUR discomfort when you feel awkward around someones unhappiness.  You know who YOU are.  Spare us your offensive intrusion of comments "It can't be that bad.  Put on a happy face.  Life's short."  There is no nutritional value in these statements! If you don't like it, practice silence and/or avoidance.  Simple. 

Flip side.  An individual who truly cares how you FEEL will ask just that, "How are you FEELING?"  You will ask yourself do I trust this person to tell them the truth?  Do they wholeheartedly care about you?  Do their actions speak volumes of their sincerity consistently to you?  Can you be vulnerable with this person?  Well, the answer for me to all these questions is I've never had to ask myself these questions because I have no one asking me about my feelings.

Tyla

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