The Value of a 2nd Opinion - Hope Reignited!

On Thursday, October 4th, 2012, the candle of hope inside of me was shining bright.  I arrived to my appointment with the second opinion neurosurgeon at 2:45pm.  His office on the second floor, I stepped off the elevator and paused for a moment deciding to visit the restroom, but it was occupied.  As I stood outside the elevator waiting for the lavatory, these two elder women were waiting to get on.  I observed the one holding the other's elbow to stabilize her on her feet.  Figuring she had also just visited the neurosurgeon--I overheard her say, "well, he said at least you're walking".  The woman with her said, "so does that mean you don't have to come back again?".  In reply, the limping lady said, "I guess, no surgery for me."

My heart sank.  Of course, I don't know this person's medical history or issues, but hearing these comments made me more anxious and worried that he would reject me to, and I would live out my remaining decades in pain.

I put on the charm upon approaching the receptionist.  The way to the road to success is to win over the receptionist/secretary immediately.  You know they are the backbone (no pun intended there) of every office, so make nice.

I completed the information sheet and provided the typed sheet of all the lease invasive alternatives I have tried over the past 18 months.  Too my surprise at a cost of $3500 to date.  I think that's a pretty good indication of proof that I have been trying to resolve my pain issues, or manage. 

I couldn't sit in the waiting room because it hurts and there were only these lush, big, puffy, sink into and can get out of brown and black leather arm chairs.  It was exceptionally hot in the office as well.  I think I was the last appointment of the day at 3:30pm.  I didn't have to wait long to meet Dr. M.  He appeared businesslike, no jacket, red hair and beard, glasses, late forties. 

I had a plan this time around to be more assertive, more prepared.  I guess when I met with the last surgeon who had done my first back surgery, I assumed she would just fix me again.  I provided him with my MRI DVD.  His exam room was spacious, clean and had a PC on a small desk.  He loaded up the images and said they were good, clear images and he could clearly see the recurrent disc herniation at L5, and a new one at L4.  He examined me thoroughly, testing reflexes, stretching, bending, walking and flexing my legs.  I have no reflex in my heel and he noted the obvious weakness in my left leg.  He asked me why I didn't go to Dr. S.  When I said I did, and she said it wasn't surgically correctable, that it was scar tissue fibrosis, Dr. M asked did she look at your MRI?, I replied with not that I witnessed.

When he said to me he'd do the surgery, a laminectomy/discectomy I burst into tears!  I felt validated.  The risks are at 1 and 2% for spinal fluid leak, cutting the nerve and infection.  I felt my first surgery was a success, and knowing I can wake up with no pain in my leg is worth it.

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For all these months of struggling with pain, gaining weight, being a lesser wife, mother and employee, being judged, being told a positive attitude makes all the difference, so being made to feel like all this pain is in your head, I say fuck you!

I have enough reality in my life making me feel ashamed, guilty, not worthy and ill.  I won't let anyone judge me any longer!

My next challenge now is to apply for longterm income protection benefits and CPP disability benefits.  If anyone has any advice, please comment to me.

We don't have to "live with it"!  Seek a second, a third opinion.



Tyla

Pre-Second Opinion Appointment with Neurosurgeon

I'm feeling rather nervous.  It's been near 18 months now that I've been with a left, numb leg, an absent front, foot push-off, no reflex and living in chronic back pain daily.

I am reaching for strength and hope that my fate will be of a good nature when I meet with another neurosurgeon on October 4, 2012.  I've never in my life had to seek a second opinion.  It feels stressful and coated in a thick paste of the unknown.

My first appointment in August of 2011, with the surgeon that did my first back surgery, a discectomy/laminectomy back in July of 2009, dismissed me in five minutes, stating to me that there was nothing she could do surgically.  Even after I told her I'm dosed with pain medications, attending physiotherapy, massage therapy, and chiropractor; tried ultrasound, shockwave, heat, acupuncture, and yoga; purchased orthotics, a stability belt, ergonomic chair, therapy ball chair, and lumbar chair supports.  As well, I had no sexual function for seven months after my near fall in April of 2011. 

She read the MRI report briefly, examined me briefly, and said it's fibrosis, which is scar tissue; here try neural flossing with your physiotherapist and here's a recommendation to your family doctor to refer you to a pain management specialist for epidural nerve block injections.

Needless-to-say, I was devastated leaving her office in tears.  Where do you go from there when you're in pain everyday?  I disagree entirely that my issue is scar tissue because I was 20 months post-operation and was doing great until the near fall in April 2011.  Scar tissue forms in the first six to 12 weeks following surgery.  I had no issues until I jolted my back that Friday right before Easter long weekend, which put me in bed for seven days.  My CT scan clearly showed a recurrent disc herniation and inflammation.  I had no numbness, tingling, sharp pains in my leg and foot until that jolt.  I was a surgery success story.  I continued on pain meds and the various coping treatments including the neural flossing, which had no fix results whatsoever.

In May of 2012, after far too much sitting in my office chair hunched over the keyboard (computer job-life is going to be the death of me), I just couldn't take the pain anymore.  The inflammation was at its worst.  I felt like I'd been in a car accident and was pushing old-age.  I would come home from the office to put my housecoat on and retreat to my heating pad in my bed when it was only 4:30 pm.  I had nothing left for my family.  I hadn't cooked in nearly nine months.  I had told myself that when the one year mark approached, April 2012, I would either accept this life or do something about it.  Well, at 42 years old, I couldn't bend over and stay like this.  Pain, pain every day!  Not able to work!  Not even able to walk with a proper gait, having gainned near 20 pounds of fat!  No, I am not going to stay like this !  WTF! 

So, as the second opinion day approaches I'm not sure how to prepare.  I will be much more assertive this time around, tearing down whatever roadblocks may breach my goal.  Yes, I know my place.  I'm at the mercy of this surgeon. 

My feelings haven't been all warm and fuzzy about him either.  For starters, my family doctor made the referral in February of 2012, via fax.  Four months went by with no response.  The fax was faxed again in May.  I finally received a phone call from the surgeon's secretary in July.  My appointment was set for September 12, 2012.  I asked her if written correspondence would be sent by mail confirming the appointment.  Snarly, she said, "no, you'll have to write it down."  Obviously, I was writing it down, but it did seem unprofessional that proof of the appointment wouldn't be provided.  I would have liked to provide that to my employer since I was off work due to my back, and it would be helpful to substantiate that I was pursuing trying to get some relief. 

Disappointingly, I was notified on September 8th, that the surgeon was going to be away for two-weeks and my appointment was rescheduled to October 4, 2012.  This was left on my answering machine with no written correspondence.  Thankfully, no one in the household erased or forgot to tell me about this message.  In the least, I was not too happy, but again there's nothing you can do.  You don't want to piss off a surgeon that you've been waiting to see for nine months.  Well, again on Friday, September 28th, I got a phone call notifying me that my appointment was now reschedule from 11:30 am to 3:30 pm, the same day.  My heart sank as I was anticipating another date change!  I was thankful, once again, that it was only the time.  I called the surgeon's office confirming that I would be there.  So, I kind of already don't care for this surgeon or his staff.  People are in pain and waiting for you to make them feel better.  And what's with always notifying people on a Friday?!  I'll talk about this business of 'Friday notifications' in anther post. 

I opted not to try the epidural nerve block injections for several reasons.  Firstly, in my city there is only one pain management clinic and it is run by one anastegeologist, who I have heard from several different and reliable sources to not let him touch me.  Also, from my research, these types of injections are very shortlived for pain relief, if it works for you, and injections into the spine can cause more scar tissue.  I didn't even get an epidural when I was in labour with my son.

I will bring with me all DVD MRI and CT scans, and medical reports to support my reasons for wanting surgery.  Needing.  Needing surgery.  I believe, I have made every effort and exhausted all alternative pain relief resources and methods.

I'm presently, also on a waiting list to work with an occupational therapist, but we have none locally in private practice, so I'm waiting to see one at our local hospital and the waiting list goes by triage.  I've been waiting since July 2012.

Please help me dear second opinion surgeon.  I am not able to work because sitting kills me.  I don't want to live like this.  The pain makes me want to just reach for sleep because when you sleep you feel no pain, same with when you are dead, but I don't want to die.

Tyla

5 Star Books - Must Reads

There's nothing more useful than getting a 'Must Read' referral.  Yes, we all have different opinions and interests, but we can agree that the '50-pages in' test makes you either keep turning the pages or makes you put it down, permanently.

My intention is to provide my readers on the third Tuesday of each month a book that is worth your while based solely on my humble opinion. In the same token, I will share the reasons for the ones that get put down.

There are so many millions of books that choosing can become overwhelming and reading discouraging when you find yourself never completing a novel.  I am very guilty of this.  Recently, I have found some comfort in losing my reality in a good book, as well as an achievement upon finishing its entirety.

I am very frugal though, so I frequent my local library minimum twice per week.  Perhaps I would purchase books if I read them more than once, which I don't, or I had a trading partner to share the costs, which I don't.

I have a method to my madness.  I visit http://www.chapters.indigo.ca to see what's Hot, Top Pick or on the bestsellers list.  I'm so commercialized.  I would love to hear from all of you out there for those hidden gem must reads.

Visit my page titled '5 Star Books' in the top portion of my blog or link here 5 Star Books. 

Tyla